Parachutes
by standing-in-the-doorway
Summary: PostChosen. Angel dies instead of Spike, but it's not the end of Buffy and Angel.
1. Default Chapter

At the moment, Buffy wasn't on the winning side of her fight against Caleb, so she was relieved and very pleased when she saw Angel punch Caleb and help her to her feet.. "I was never much for preachers," he quipped.

"Angel," she said, using their standard greeting.

"You look good," he told her, his eyes raking appreciatively over her body.

"You look timely. And also good."

"Heard maybe you needed a hand." Their conversation was cut short as Caleb rose again. Angel prepared to fight but Buffy let him know that this was her fight. He leaned against a pillar, to give them room. "You are so going to lose," he warned Caleb. He could feel the power humming within the Slayer and he knew his girl would win. "God, I missed watching this," he said aloud. He had forgotten how beautiful she was when she fought, how wonderful she looked when she gave herself over to the wild warrior inside her. Feelings stirred within him that he hadn't felt in a long time. Buffy swung the scythe at Caleb, slicing his stomach and causing him to fall to the floor.

"See? Under control."

"At least you could tell me you're glad to see me," he said as he walked over to her. She dropped the scythe and went to him, pressing her body against his and kissing him deeply. She arched into him, cherishing the feel of his strength. Angel's tongue demanded entry into her mouth and she opened to him. He tasted exactly like she remembered. They kissed for long moments before she pulled away. "Well, I guess that qualifies as happy to see me."

"Angel, what are you doing—" she shook her head. "Don't even. I just want to bask." She looked into Angel's eyes, smiling, for a few seconds. "OK, I'm basked. What are you doing here?" He told her that he knew she was fighting the First, but once again they were interrupted by Caleb knocking into Angel into unconsciousness. Buffy fought him and ending up slicing him in half. Angel quickly came back into the land of the waking and told her that he had information to share. He pulled an amulet out of the envelope he was holding.

"I can already tell you, I have nothing that goes with that," Buffy joked.

"It's not for you."

"Splainy?"

"I don't know everything. It's very powerful and probably very dangerous. It has a purifying power, a cleansing power, possibly scrubbing bubbles. The translation is, uh—anyway, it bestows strength to the right person who wears it."

"And the right person is?"

"Someone ensouled, but stronger than human. A champion. As in me."

"Or me," she countered.

"No," he insisted. "I don't know nearly enough about this to risk you wearing it. Besides, you got that real cool axe-thing going for you."

"So you're gonna be with me in this?" she asked, hoping she was understanding him correctly.

"Shoulder to shoulder. I'm yours."

She met his chocolate eyes with her smoky hazel ones. "Good to hear. Really really good to hear."

Over the roar of the fight against the First, Buffy heard Angel scream her name. She turned to see the light streaming from the amulet engulf his body and expand over the Hellmouth, dusting the Turok-Han instantly. Buffy felt the ground start to shake and heard Faith tell everyone to get out but she ignored her sister Slayer and headed for Angel's side.

"Angel," she gasped, the magic emanating from him shaking her as much as the ground was.

"This is it, Buffy. I can feel it."

"No! Angel!" Her voice broke with emotion.

"It's okay."

"No. No, you've done enough. You could still—"

"No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup." The walls were crumbling around them, but she couldn't leave his side.

"Buffy, come on!" Faith called.

"You've got to go." Angel urged.

"Angel," she pleaded.

"I mean it! I gotta do this. It's my time, but you have more. Go!" Buffy laced her fingers through his, clenching his hand desperately.

"I love you," she told him tenderly, looking deep into his eyes despite the tears that clouded hers.

"I know. I love you, too. Forever, that's the whole point." Another earthquake shook the ground they stood and Angel commanded, "Go!" With her heart breaking, she let go of his hand and ran.

Buffy stood staring at the canyon that once was Sunnydale. Dawn came up and stood beside her, hugging her sister. Giles joined them followed by Xander, Anya, Willow, and Faith.

"Looks like the hellmouth is officially closed for business."

"There is another one in Cleveland," Giles said dryly, tossing a rock into the giant crater. "Not to spoil the moment."

Anya cuddled up to Xander with tears in her eyes. "Andrew saved me. I guess he wasn't a big goober after all."

"No, he wasn't," he said, glad to have his lover alive. "And he helped us save the world. We saved the world. Again." Xander announced proudly.

"We changed the world." Willow walked up to Buffy's side. "I can feel them, Buffy. All over. Slayers are awakening everywhere."

"We'll have to find them."

"We will."

"Yes, well because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow so our plans are shot," Giles told them, pacing behind his surrogate children.

"We destroyed the mall?" the younger Summers bemoaned, "I fought on the wrong side."

"All those shops gone. The Gap, Starbucks, Toys "R" Us. Who will remember all those landmarks unless we tell the world about them?"

"We have a lot of work ahead of us," Giles continued.

"Can I push him in?" Faith joked to Willow.

"You've got my vote."

"I just want to sleep, yo, for like a week.....I guess we all could, if we wanted to.....Yeah. The First is scrunched, so... what do you think we should do, Buffy?...... Yeah, you're not the one and only chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel?...... Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?" As the others chattered around her, Buffy just stared straight ahead.

Despite their grief over Angel's death, Wesley, Gunn and Fred had invited the Sunnydale survivors to stay at the hotel. That night Buffy wandered slowly down the hall making sure all the newly minted Slayers had found a bed and had their wounds tended to. When she knocked on one door and got no response, she turned the knob and entered, then quickly realized it was Angel's room. The decor, the mix of weapons and art mounted on the wall, the books littering the shelves gave it away. Her first impulse was to leave, but she found herself entering instead, exploring his possessions with a tender curiosity. She ran her fingertips over the furniture, his essence filling her. Her exhaustion and sadness overwhelming her, she felt tears fill her eyes and sank down onto the mattress where Spike found her a few minutes later.

"Pet?" She looked up at him, eyes glistening.

"Yeah, Spike?"

"How you doing?"

"I'm okay.....I'm....Everything's gone. Sunnydale is gone." Tears started trailing down her cheeks and he joined her on the bed. "All of my things, all of my pictures - my memories, all of my mother's things, it's all dust."

"I know, love, and it bloody sucks but they're just material things. It's the people that count. You and Nibblet, Willow, Xander, Giles, you're all alive."

"Angel's not. He's gone.........but he can't be gone!" She jumped up from the bed and started to pace, her emotions too overwhelming to have her remain sedentary. "He was the immortal one, he wasn't supposed to die!!! He was supposed to always be there. He promised me he would be. He promised me, Spike!!!" She was crying in earnest now. "He promised, he promised, he promised, he promised..." she repeated, her voice breaking with anguish. Spike pulled her to him and held her as her sobs overtook her and she could no longer speak. He rocked her for a long time, stroking her hair, until her cries finally subsided.

"I just love him and I never got to tell him, show him, how much." she sniffled, then apologized. "I'm sorry. That's probably the last thing you want to hear from me."

"It's fine, not like it's a shock or anything. Remember, I once told you that you'll be in love till it kills you both. Guess it just happened to Angel first." Buffy shot him a vicious glare and started to pull away . "Sorry, shouldn't 'a said that. What I meant to say is that I've always known that you loved him even through all of what happened between us. He's your mate. And I know it hurts," he told her, remembering how it felt when she died. "I'm really sorry."

"Thank you, Spike." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Is it crazy that I think I can feel his absence? It's like some place inside me is aching - it's so empty and lonely." Another tear slipped down her cheek. "I don't want to be alone. You won't leave me, will you Spike?"

"No, pet, I'm not going anywhere." He stayed true to his word at least until she fell asleep and then he laid her down on Angel's bed and left her to rest.

"I can't believe he's gone," Fred told Lorne and Gunn, her voice a whisper of sadness and disbelief. 

"I know, lovie." The green demon had abandoned his trademark sea breeze for a stiffer drink. They had all been so happy with the gifts Wolfram and Hart had given them when suddenly it all crashed down around them. Without Angel, who would lead Wolfram and Hart? He was the champion - the group needed him.

"I've just finished talking to Mr. Giles," Wesley told them, joining his colleagues. "He's informed me of the unfortunate situation he and the others are in. My former employers, the Watchers' Council, have been destroyed and with it, the resources for taking care of the Slayers are gone. With Sunnydale demolished as well, they are left with pretty much nothing. So until we figure out the details of Angel's estate, I have offered them a home here if that is okay with everyone." They all agreed.

"Does Angel even have a will?"

"I'm not sure. But there are several files in the office that concern this property and some of his assets, so we simply have to go through it all."

"At least we've got major access to lawyers now," Gunn chipped in. "They can help us out."

"While it will be helpful to have legal knowledge at our disposal, who knows just how trustworthy Wolfram and Hart will be in this situation. And who knows how we must deal with our recent acquisition of the firm anyhow?" Wesley sat down heavily on the couch, buried his head in his hands, and sighed deeply. "What ever are we going to do?"

"We're standing here on the edge of what used to be the town of Sunnydale. Yesterday an earthquake destroyed this quaint suburb completely. Built on a fault, the earthquake cracked the foundation of the town, reducing it to rubble. Luckily, seismologists discovered the impending quake weeks before it occurred and the town was evacuated completely. Reporting for Channel 5, I'm Karen Lee." Frank the camera man clicked off his camera and started to put it back in his case. To tell the truth, the story seemed so freaky and being here was weirding him out. But it wasn't his place to criticize he was just the camera guy. He turned around to get the rest of his equipment and saw something in the distance.

"What the fuck?"


	2. Chapter 2

Soft cool lips nipped at her own, a hard body pressed against her own and familiar hands were stroking her skin. Desire swirled within her, giving her a dizzy feeling that she hadn't experienced in a long time. She half-whispered, half-moaned the name that always sounded like music to her ears.

"Angel." He responded to her with a deep kiss. She kissed him back, then whispered passionately against his lips. "I need you, Angel." Abruptly he pulled away from her. 

"You can't have me," he told her harshly. 

"What?" she asked, near tears. She felt like she couldn't breathe when he stopped kissing her. 

"You can't have me. I'm gone. You waited too long and now you've lost me. You should have known better."

"I...I didn't mean to...I didn't want to," she choked. "I love you Angel."

"That's really too bad. I'm gone forever. You could have had me, but you screwed up. You've always screwed up everything Buffy."

"Angel, why are you saying these things? I couldn't have done anything. Please," she pleaded, "I didn't want you to go."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm never coming back." Buffy jumped back as her vampire lover burst into flame and burned to dust.

She woke up in tears, her breath coming in heaving gasps. She felt her heart beating wildly in her chest It took her a few moments to realize that it was all a dream. Then, as she calmed, she thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sleep in Angel's bed. Having his essence surround her as she slept was no doubt messing with her head. She got up and went into one of the other rooms to take a long shower. The near scalding water pulsed down on her and she let it burn away her pain. She scrubbed at her skin to erase the scent of battle, blood, ash, and Angel. When she got out of the shower, she was all pruney but she was feeling more like herself.

She got dressed and went downstairs finding the new Slayers mulling around in the lobby, unsure of what their next steps would be. Buffy had no answers for them so she sought out Giles. "How is everyone?"

"Everyone seems to be doing well. Wesley arranged for some professional medical care for some of the girls with really bad injuries."

"Good. Good."

"And how are you doing?" the Brit asked his first and favorite Slayer.

"I'm okay. Tired, but making it." Willow joined them, bringing the offering of coffee which they gladly accepted. 

"I couldn't sleep last night," she told them. "There was too much power buzzing in me. It's like I could feel all the new Slayers itching under my skin. I stayed up all night looking at the spell, trying to figure out its effects. Basically what happened was that all the potential Slayers out there in the world between the ages of 14 and 24 have been activated. We need to find them, train them. Maybe I can cast a spell that will locate them all and we can bring them together like we did with the other potentials."

"How can we afford it? We have nothing." Buffy said, knowing all to well that her financial struggle of the past few years was not helped by the destruction of her home and all her possessions.

"It occurred to me," Giles told them, "that there are several Watcher's Council bank accounts that I might be able to get my hands on but who knows if or when that will happen."

"Are you guys doing shop talk already?" Faith asked coming up behind them. "We just closed the Hellmouth and saved the world. Can't you take a friggin break?"

"Apparently not," Buffy responded.

Upstairs, Anya and Xander lay in bed. "I'm glad we're both alive and getting back together. I really missed making love with you, Xander." Anya cuddled up to him and started placing kisses all over his face. "So I was thinking that maybe I can call some of my demon friends and they can help you get a new eye," she suggested.

"I don't know. I'm not sure I want any demon mojo on my body." Anya pulled back from him.

"Are you gonna be hung up on the demon thing all the time now? Because I don't know if I can deal with that. I am who I am, Xander, and I'm over 1000 years old and I'm set in my ways even though I look like a hot 20 something."

"An, come on. Fresh start, okay? I promise you I'll think about the eye thing." He didn't want to fight with her, not when they were just starting over, not when he knew he would have lost her if it weren't it weren't for Andrew's last minute bravery. "I don't know what I would do if you died. I can't imagine how Buffy is feeling right now." As much as Xander disliked Angel for the time he had known him, he knew how much Buffy still cared for him.

Later that night, Wesley sat at the desk with a stack of folders in front of him. He was sorting through Angel's personal documents, trying to find a place to start putting his affairs in order. He had found a document specifying what Angel's wishes were. The hotel was to be transferred into Wesley's name and there were bank accounts to be split between Fred, Gunn, Lorne and Wesley and one to be given to Buffy. He wasn't surprised that Angel was so organized. Knowing that he put his life on the line every day, Wesley kept his affairs in immaculate order and there was no shock that Angel was the same. But as prepared as they all were on paper for the death of any one of them, he was far from prepared for the emotional impact of the loss. As he contemplated what the future held without Angel in it, the phone rang startling him.

"Hello?....Yes, this is Angel Investigations...........Of course, thank you. I'll be right down." Quickly, he rushed out of the office, nearly barreling over Buffy in the process. 

"Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"Nowhere," he replied, continuing on his way. He got into his car and drove to the hospital, basically ignoring the speed limit. Arriving at the hospital, he headed to the intensive care unit and stopped at the nurses' station. "Hello. I'm Wesley Wyndham-Price. I received a phone call about a John Doe carrying Angel Investigations' business card."

"Of course, come with me sir," the nurse instructed. He followed her down the pristine hallway and into a room filled with beeping machines and a pale body in the narrow bed. Behind him, he heard a shocked gasp.

"Angel." Wesley turned to find Buffy standing behind him, looking as if she was about to faint.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" The blonde didn't reply, she didn't even hear him. There was a roar in her ears and she couldn't tear her eyes from the man lying unconscious in front of her. A hand on her arm shook her out of her stupor and the nurse led her to sit in the plastic chair on the side of the bed.

"Are you all right miss?" she asked, taking Buffy's pulse. She had seen all the color drain from the young woman's face and she appeared to be quite shaken.

"Yes, I just need a moment," she replied, breathing deeply to chase away the faint feeling. 

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Wesley asked, crouching at her side. 

"You were acting strange and I was curious, so I followed you. I never expected....I didn't know," her eyes darted anxiously to the prone figure on the bed. 

"Can we have a moment?" Wesley asked the nurse. She nodded and left the private room, leaving the Slayer and her ex-Watcher alone. "I didn't know either. I just received a call about a man carrying our card in his wallet and they were wondering if I could identify him. I think it's obvious that I can."

"But you can't. It can't be Angel," Buffy told him, disbelieving her eyes. Given what she'd been through in the past few days, she didn't know if she could take it if her most desperate hope for Angel's resurrection were raised to reality only to be shattered by the absolute impossibility of it all. "Angel died. I saw him burning and Sunnydale caved in on top of him. And besides, even if Angel was alive, he's a vampire. This man is not - see the machine is showing his heartbeat - my Angel doesn't have one of those."

"Buffy, it's possible," Wesley told the confused woman. "You see, a few years ago we discovered a prophecy that said that after the End of Days, the vampire with a soul would 'shanshu' which we interpreted as living until death - that is to say mortal."

"You mean this is real? He's really here? He's really alive?" 

"Yes."

"Oh my God," she breathed, as it started to sunk in. She was feeling weak, the actuality of the situation sending her mind into a tailspin.

"I need to call the others. Do you want to stay here?" She nodded and he headed towards the payphone. She sat in shock and stared at Angel's prone form. He was as pale as he always was but the steady rise and fall of his chest was new. Tentatively, she reached out and touched his hand - it was warm. This was much too much for her brain to process. Angel was human. The very thing she had dreamed of countless times but thought inconceivable had come to pass. He was human! However, it wasn't the wonderful dream sequence that she had imagined. They weren't running into each others' arms and kissing in the sun. They weren't celebrating by making love for hours. He wasn't taking her for picnics in the park. Instead, he was lying in a hospital bed, in a coma and who knew if or when he would wake up.

Wesley waited for Fred and Gunn in the lobby and when they arrived, they all rejoined Buffy in Angel's room. "I spoke with the nurse when I was waiting. She informed me of Angel's condition."

"And?"

"He was found near the crater that used to be Sunnydale by a news crew who had him brought here. He's been unconscious since they found him and he's bruised and battered, but apparently there are no broken bones or internal damage that they can tell besides their concerns of brain damage. He seems to have suffered from several head injuries, contusions and swelling. It's hard for them to determine the extent of the damage until he wakes up and further tests are done."

"But he is going to wake up, right?"

"Again, further tests are needed but the EEG shows brain activity so they believe it is likely."

"This is all too weird," Fred said, shaking her head in disbelief. They milled around the room for awhile while Wesley filled out paperwork, but there was nothing much for them to do. 

"We should go home and get some rest. This has all been quite a shock. And it would probably be wise to do some further research into Angel's shanshu prophecy." As the others filed out, Buffy stayed put. "You're not coming?"

"Someone should stay here, I mean, in case he wakes up or something."

"Okay then, call if you need anything." As they exited the room and she was surrounded by silence except for the hum of the machines that were monitoring Angel. She was still at a loss for coherent thought, so she sat quietly drinking in the sight of Angel's face. She slipped into a trance-like state, just watching him with the sounds of hospital becoming white noise behind her. Eventually, she was lulled into sleep. Buffy was unaware of how long she slept before she was startled awake by a voice behind her.

"Hey B."

"Faith," she muttered, blinking her eyes awake. "What are you doing here?"

"Wesley told me what was going on, so I figured I'd come down here and see how the big guy was doing." She pulled up another chair and sat down. "How is he?" 

"I don't know - the same, I guess. He hasn't changed since we got here."

"He'll pull through. He's a trooper. Trust me - I've been in his head, seen what's he's made it through so far - this is just a drop in the bucket. Besides, the Powers wouldn't bring him back just to off him again." Buffy nodded half-heartedly. While she knew Faith's assumption was logical, she had learned the hard way that the Powers were never logical or fair. "Listen, you've slept here all night in these chairs which can't have been comfortable. Why don't we go get something to eat and head back to the hotel? Wesley's law firm is sponsoring a shopping trip for everyone to get some essentials."

"I...I think I'll stay here. I don't want to leave him."

"Buffy, he's in a coma. He's not going anywhere and the hospital knows where to reach us if they need to."

"I know. But I just don't want to leave him alone. I know this probably sounds stupid to you," she said, knowing her sister Slayer usually thought with her instincts or her groin rather than her heart, "but I feel as though if I leave him, he'll disappear and none of this will be real."

Faith shrugged. "Well, it's up to you. Call if you want someone to bring you food or something."


	3. Chapter 3

The young nurse peered into Angel Pryce's room to observe the petite blonde girl who had camped out there for the past two days, only stepping outside a few times to place cell phone calls. A few others had come and gone from the room but the blonde girl stayed. She barely got up to eat. The nurse was amazed at her dedication. She entered the room, startling the girl.

"Hello, I'm Kathy." She went over and checked Angel's chart.

"Buffy," the blonde said, introducing herself.

"Nice to meet you. Angel here has remained stable; all his vitals are steady which is a good sign." She checked all the instruments that he was connected to. "Okay, I'll be back later to change his IV bag."

"Is that it?" Buffy asked. "There's nothing else you guys can do? I've been sitting here two days and that's practically all that has been done. Change his IV, keep him stable. Isn't there anything that can be done to get him to wake up?" Her tone wasn't angry, just worried. She felt so helpless just sitting at Angel's bed side.

"I'm sorry, but that is all the doctors can do at the moment. We can just keep him comfortable, monitor him, until his body is able to wake up. However, there is something that you can do." Buffy looked at her quizzically. "Many doctors and patients say that when someone is in a coma, they are still able to hear what is being said to them, that they can keep a connection in this world by having people talk to them. Anyway, I have to finish my rounds. I'll check in on you later." Buffy sat a moment, digesting what the nurse had told her. Then, she took Angel's hand in hers. 

"Angel," she said tentatively, "I don't know if you can hear me, but I hope you can. You have to wake up, okay? Everyone's waiting for you to get better. I can't keep sitting here in this chair - I think I've permanently lost all feeling in my butt," she joked weakly. "Seriously, Angel, we need you here. ** I** need you here. I know we've been apart, but I still need you. I need to know that you're out there, that you could just show up and be there for me like you did, that I could go to you if I needed to. I need to know that there's a chance that you're still out there loving me. Because I still love you Angel. Through Riley and Spike and dying and all of it, I never stopped." She was surprised by the tears that sprang up in her eyes. "You saved the world and became human, you should stick around and enjoy it, okay?"

A week had passed and Buffy was little by little giving up her vigil at Angel's side. She was needed at the Hyperion with all the new Slayers and spending all day at the hospital was not that productive. However, she still did spend as much time as she could there and she was there when Angel finally woke up. She was sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chair, half-heartedly flipping through a magazine when his eyes fluttered open. He tried to speak but coughed instead, drawing Buffy's attention to him.

"Oh my God, you're awake!" She quickly pressed the nurse call button on the side of his bed. "How do you feel?"

"I...I feel okay," his eyes flitted around the room. "But what happened? And who are you?" Before she could recover from the shock of his non-recognition of her and before she could answer, a nurse and a doctor came rushing in to take care of their newly awakened patient. Buffy went over to the pay phone and placed a call to the hotel and tell everyone that Angel was no longer unconscious and Wesley and Fred promised to rush right down to the hospital. They got there long before the doctors were finished examining Angel and waited in the hallway. Finally, a doctor came out to talk to them.

"Angel's physical health is up to par. However, he seems to be suffering from long-term amnesia. With this form of amnesia, he cannot remember any personal information from prior to his head trauma."

"Oh dear, what can you do to get his memory back?" Fred asked.

"I'm very sorry but there is not much we can do. What we hope is that his memories will come back to him with the influence of the familiar. What we find to be most helpful with patients suffering from amnesia is to surround them with people, places, and things that are very familiar to him and one of those things should start to trigger memories. However, it is very important that you don't feed him memories, that you don't tell him details about his past because we do not want him to create false recollections."

"Okay." The trio nodded solemnly, trying to take everything in.

"We'd like to keep Angel a few more days for observation. But would you like to see him?" Wesley, Fred, and Buffy conferred for a few minutes before they entered his hospital room to find him sitting up, drinking a glass of water.

"Hi."

"Hi, how are you?" Fred asked softly. 

"I feel okay. A little confused. I, uh, feel really bad asking this because they said you were my friends, but what are your names?" 

"Don't feel bad, Angel. You have amnesia; it's not your fault. I'm Fred, this is Wesley and Buffy."

"Hi."

"Listen, Angel, did the doctors explain to you your condition?" Wes asked.

"Yes."

"So you know that we are not supposed to jar your memory. Unfortunately, that means that it's going to rather difficult for us all to answer your questions about yourself and your life. However, we can tell you some basics. As you are already aware, your name is Angel O'Connor and you live here in Los Angeles." Wesley began feeding him the story they had quickly concocted quickly in the hallway. They had decided not to disturb him with any of the supernatural information of his life. "You've recently become the head of the L.A. branch of the law firm Wolfram and Hart. You also own a converted hotel in which we all reside along with a group of young girls that we have taken in. We run a shelter of sorts for girls who have found themselves in need of...guidance."

"Ok, thank you."

"Do you remember any of this?" Fred asked hopefully.

"No, I'm sorry. None of it is familiar."

Angel's words remained true over the next day as a parade of people he was supposed to know came in and out of his hospital room. He tried desperately to recognize them, to bring his memories of the people who were important in his life, of his life itself, out from their hiding place. But nothing triggered any remote spark within him. 

Except for Buffy.

There was just something about her that stirred something deep inside him. He didn't know if it was recognition or attraction or what. She had come to visit a few times but always with someone else and hung to the back quietly and while he tried to focus on his other guests, he couldn't keep his eyes off her. He wanted, he needed to know what was between them, to find out what it was about her that pulled him to her. So when she showed up on his second morning awake all by herself, he was grateful to finally have a chance to talk to her.

"Hi," she said entering. "I realized you're just kind of hanging out here all day which must be boring. So I brought you some books - your favorites." She placed a few worn hard covers on the table near his bed. "You know, to give you something to do."

"Thanks." He scanned the books - James Joyce, John Keats, Edgar Allen Poe, William Wordsworth. Apparently he was a fan of classics and poetry.

"I also thought that maybe reading something familiar would help you remember some things," she admitted.

"Yeah, that's a definite possibility." His eyes moved from the books to her and she shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I know that you're not supposed to tell me about my life, but I need to ask you something Buffy."

"Okay."

"Are you my girlfriend?" She was taken off guard by his blunt question.

"I....um, I...we..." she stammered. Did she love him? Yes. Did she want more than anything to bend over and brush her lips against his? Yes. Was she always his girl? Yes. But was she his girlfriend? As much as she wished she was and as much as she wished it was ever that simple, the answer was no. "No, we're not together," she answered, looking down intently as if she had found something very interesting on the tip of her shoe.

"Oh." His sigh of disappointment caused her to look up.

"Why? Did you think you remembered something?"

"I don't know." He was nervous to tell her what he was feeling. If she wasn't his girlfriend, she very well could be the girlfriend of one of his friends, thus creating an awkward situation. But he knew that everything that was in his mind could possibly help him get his memory back, so he didn't want to push it aside. "I feel, kind of, drawn to you. And I wasn't sure if it was because there was something between us or...." he trailed off. "I just thought I might have been remembering the feeling, but I guess I was wrong. I probably just convinced myself in hopes of getting my memory back." His dissatisfaction was evident in his tone and Buffy found it hard to hold back the truth, wanting to give the slight sliver of hope it might give him.

"I was once. Your girlfriend, I mean. We went out for a couple years, but you broke....well, it's been over for awhile."

"Why?" The question erupted from him before he had a chance to think. From the way she made his insides flip-flop from just being in the room with him, he couldn't imagine a reason he would ever choose to be apart from her. 

"It's complicated." She looked up and met his eyes. They were her Angel's brown eyes. Some of the shadows were gone, no doubt the ones caused by the memories of corpses and bloodbaths that were buried somewhere in the recesses of his brain, but they were the same eyes that haunted her dreams. And they were fixed on her now with the same intensity they had always held. "It's really complicated," she said softly, almost to herself, staring at her shoes again. "I have to go. I have more errands to run." She turned and quickly left the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Buffy avoided Angel's hospital room the next day, not sure what he would say to her or what she could possibly say to him to help him make sense of his situation. It unnerved her that he could still feel the connection between them even without his memory and vampire senses. However, she could no longer keep herself away when Fred and Gunn brought him home the next morning. Although Buffy was rather unobtrusive sitting on the couch waiting for Angel's return due to all the people milling around the lobby, Spike noticed her. He noticed that her eyes were locked to the doors of the courtyard and that they widened in delight and amazement when she spotted Angel walking through the sunlight.

"Bloody poof," he muttered before wandering off for parts unknown.

Angel entered the hotel and was quickly introduced to the people who hadn't come to the hospital and then, he was given a tour of the hotel. He trailed behind Fred who was animatedly telling him all about the different rooms and items, but he wasn't really hearing her. Instead, he was looking around the building and suddenly feeling extremely lost and lonely. This was his home and none of it was familiar. Even when Fred showed him to his own room, all his possessions were foreign to him. 

Slowly, he explored his suite, picking up items to examine them before putting them back in their place. His room was very neat and clean but extremely dark.so he pulled the heavy drapes away from the window and let in the natural light. The sun glinted off metal, drawing his attention to several swords and axes that were hung on the wall. An interesting collection to have, he thought. He started perusing the things on the top of his desk - more books, some pens and paper, a framed photo of himself, Fred, Wesley, Gunn and a brunette he didn't recognize. Then, he started going through the drawers. 

In the bottom drawer, he found a case of charcoal pencils and a pad of paper. Beneath that, he found stacks of sketches. He lifted them out and started flipping through them. There were several cityscapes and nature scenes. He admired a series of drawings of the beach at night, pleased that he possessed such skill. There were also portraits of his friends and several demonic looking creatures that his imagination must have come up with. But mostly he found sketches of Buffy. There were pages and pages of them, depicting her in a variety of situations and points of view - her sleeping form entangled in sheets; her dancing with her arms held above her head; her doing some sort of karate, her leg kicking in the air against an invisible opponent; many pictures of her face showing a wide assortment of emotions. His favorites were one of Buffy grinning wickedly, her eyes sparkling as if sharing a private joke with him and another in which she looked dreamily out of the page, her eyelids at half mast and her lips parted as if she had just been thoroughly kissed. As he worked his way through the pile he came across a large collection of etchings illustrating the petite blonde in a mélange of intimate poses. His eyes feasted on the image of her nude body laid out in different manners and of her engaged in a variety of sexual positions with Angel himself, her face obviously showing the pleasure she found in his arms. He gaped at the sketches of her wanton figure, feeling the stirrings of arousal within him. She was absolutely gorgeous.

"Angel?" The sound of Buffy's voice behind him caused him to start. He quickly dropped the sketches back in the drawer and slammed it shut. He turned to her, blushing furiously at being caught looking at the representations of her nakedness even though she had no way of knowing what he had been doing.

"Hey."

"Hey. I just wanted to make sure you were finding everything okay."

"Yeah. It's fine." Buffy couldn't take her eyes off him. His cheeks were flushed with color and his auburn highlights were obvious in the ray of sun he was standing in. He was absolutely gorgeous. She felt the pull low down in her stomach that she always felt towards him. Her mind couldn't help but imagine how wonderful it would be to go over to him and take him in her arms, to feel his heated skin against hers for the first time. He would kiss her, soft and sweet, and then harder slipping his tongue into mouth and entangling his elegant fingers in her hair.

"Buffy?" She rudely was broken away from her fantasy and realized Angel had been speaking to her.

"What?"

"I just wanted to apologize for what I asked you the other day. I shouldn't have assumed anything about our relationship and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"It's all right. You couldn't have known and I'm not uncomfortable." She wasn't exactly telling the truth. She was uncomfortable around him; she just didn't know how to act around a memory-lacking Angel. There had always been walls between them, barriers of species, age, and history. But now, when he looked at her without the shadow of hurt in his eyes, without the sadness weighing down his voice, she found all the rules of their interaction thrown out the window. "So yeah, if you need anything, we're all down stairs. I'll let you get settled."

Over the next few days, Buffy found herself spending more and more time with Angel. She kept telling herself that it was only because she wanted to help him get his memory back and the only inkling of recollection he had was what he had felt for her. But in fact it was because she loved spending time with him. He had told her once that he was funny and she discovered that he was right - well sort of. His jokes were cheesy but they still made her laugh. And she was nearly addicted to the sight of him in sunlight.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day's lunch was a business lunch with a massive spread of Chinese food set up in the garden. Buffy, Faith, Robin, Willow, Giles, Xander, Anya, Wesley and Dawn feasted while they discussed their next step. Some of the girls were getting antsy, wanting to go home to their families while Giles and Wesley were afraid that without proper guidance, the massive amounts of power the girls had gained could corrupt them. They needed to figure out a plan of action.

"We need to train the girls like Buffy and Faith were trained. There's enough experience and expertise in this room that we should be able to set up and teach some sort of curriculum."

"Like a Slayer school?" Dawn asked, slightly skeptical.

"Why not? Look at this group. We have educators and Watchers. Slayers and magick experts."

"I think this could work," Willow said, getting excited about the idea. "I mean the girls have already started to train so we could just set up, like, classes. Ya know, Mondays from 1-2 is Knife Throwing and Tuesday 11-12 is Stake Whittling or something like that. Then we could take them on field trips to the cemetery!"

"You were always such a nerd, Will," Xander said with a laugh.

"There's nothing wrong with liking school. Besides, if your best friend the nerd didn't let you cheat off her science test, you would have never graduated," she defended herself, but without any real zing as she was smiling back at him. Buffy smiled with her friends as well. It had been so long since she had heard them tease each other, since anything about any of their relationships had been playful, that it was a breath of fresh air. Since leaving Sunnydale and the negative energy of the Hellmouth, things seem to have settled down between all of them. Maybe it was just because they had all had a chance to relax for the first time in who knows how long but the tensions had seemed to ease somewhat. Though nothing had been talked over and Buffy knew all their problems would not just magically be fixed, she knew that with some work, they could repair friendships that had been long broken. Looking at her friends, she knew whatever work was involved would be worth it.

But there was one relationship which she still worried about. She didn't know if any amount of work would ever be able to rebuild her relationship with Angel. They weren't the same people they had been when their worlds revolved around each other. Her world had been turned upside down many times over, she had been to heaven and back and hadn't come out unscathed. And as for Angel? He was human now and had a whole new bright shiny future ahead of him. So where did that leave her?

Buffy knew that he had told her that he loved her during the battle, but that was in the heat of the moment. Besides, even if he really meant it, he had loved her at graduation but that didn't stop him from leaving. And with his new mortal status, would he even want to be dragged back down into their relationship when he could have so much more? She just had no idea where she stood with him. Or actually where she would stand with him when he got his memory back. It was all so confusing. 

And more than a little frustrating.

Having been the Slayer for so many years, she knew exactly what to do when she was frustrated. After the meeting dispersed, she headed down to the basement to pound the crap out of the punching bag. She changed into yoga pants and a sports bra, wrapped her knuckles with tape and began to punch and kick the bag hanging from the ceiling. It swung with her ferocious hits but she continued with what would have been deadly accuracy if she hadn't been attacking an inanimate object. She continued for about twenty minutes, working up a sweat, before stopping for a drink of water. 

The workout had served to vent her frustrations but she was still tense and now hopped up on adrenaline. She took another swig of water and then moved to the center of the basement floor. Slowly, she began to move through the tai chi kata that she had learned so long ago. Buffy closed her eyes, let her body take over the practiced, controlled movements so that her mind could rest. 

Buffy let her mind drift until she reached a place of utter calm. In fact, she let it drift so far that she wasn't aware that another person had entered the room.

"Wow." Buffy jumped in surprise, falling out of position. "Sorry," Angel said sheepishly. I didn't mean to scare you." He had stumbled upon her while exploring the lower floors of the hotel and although he didn't want to disturb her, he wasn't able to pull himself away. The sight of her scarcely clothed body flowing through the kata had completely enraptured him. "I didn't know you could do that. It's impressive," he told her.

"I learned it from you," she replied, wiping at her sweaty face with a towel.

"Oh. Well, I didn't know I could do that either."

"I guess not." They both laughed a little awkwardly. "So I guess you haven't had any memory flashes or anything?" Buffy asked, with concern.

"No, I haven't." He stepped further into the room, taking in all the work out equipment and cabinets of weapons. He shook his head and sighed, disheartened that he couldn't even begin to put the puzzle pieces of his life together.

"Hey," Buffy said, putting a comforting hand on his arm, "it'll be okay. You'll get your memory back." He looked down at her - her hair slightly messy, her face still flushed from her workout, and her eyes looking with such compassion into his - and couldn't help himself. Buffy wasn't prepared for him to press his lips to hers but quickly relaxed into his kiss. His lips were warm now but he tasted the same and his hands sliding down her back felt the same. The voice inside her head telling her that this was a mistake was ignored because it all just felt so right. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer and flattening her lithe body against his muscular one.

It was a heady rush being with him again, at once both familiar and new and exciting. One of his large hands had slid into her hair, tangling in the long strands, while the other rested on the small of her back, holding her close. For his part, Angel could not believe how good, how right she felt in his arms. Her passion was obvious as her tongue danced hotly with his and she moaned into his mouth. He responded by attacking her mouth with even greater hunger than before. He had been watching her, wanting her since he had awoken in the hospital and now that he had her hot and pressed against him, all he wanted to do was make love to her, push her to the ground and claim her as his.

"Oh my God!" Buffy and Angel broke up to find Faith and a group of young Slayers standing in the doorway. Blushing, Buffy looked from Angel to the group and back to Angel again.

"I....I," she stammered, "I can't do this." With that, she pushed past the Slayers and ran up the stairs.

"Buffy!!" Angel called after her, but she didn't stop or even look back.

"I'm sorry, Angel. We didn't know...I mean we didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's fine, Faith. Just go ahead and train."

"Train? For what?" she said innocently. They still hadn't told Angel any specifics of what they did at the hotel.

"It's okay. I remember everything." He headed up the stairs with Faith at his heels. 

"What do you mean you remember?" she exclaimed as they entered the lobby. Fred and Wesley, who were talking in the lobby, turned in surprise to the pair.

"Angel? You regained your memory?" Fred asked excitedly.

"Yes I did." He stopped to talk to his friends even though what he really wanted to do was go find Buffy.

"How did it happen?" Wesley asked as they gathered around him. "Was there a trigger?" At Angel's nod, he added, "Well, what was it?"

"Buffy. We kissed and I could remember kissing her all those times before. And then I could remember everything else. It all came rushing back."

"That makes sense. Doctors say that a strong sense memory can often help patients recover from amnesia." Angel nodded, no doubt in his mind that the feel of kissing Buffy was probably the strongest memory he had. The sensation was burned indelibly into his brain.

"So you remember! That's so great! Wait until Gunn hears," Fred enthused. "Oh! And we need to call Lorne!"

"Where is Lorne anyway?" Angel asked, curious as to where his big green friend had been for the past week.

"Well we didn't want to shock you with any supernatural things before you regain the knowledge of them on your own. So Lorne was more than happy to spend some time in Vegas until you knew. It's great that you're back to yourself because there is so much to be done," Wes told him. "We need to begin getting Wolfram and Hart affairs in order. Figure out a budget for the Slayers..." Wesley began to rattle off a list of chores and projects for Angel to do until the newly mortal man cut him off.

"Wes, a little break please. I just remembered like five minutes ago."

"Of course, of course," he apologized. "It's just that when we found out that you had gotten your shanshu, we were concerned that it would come at the price of your history.   
You can imagine how happy I am that it hasn't. We need you to head up Wolfram and Hart and you'll be an excellent resource to instruct the Slayers..."

"But of course, we're happiest that you're alive and well," Faith interrupted, giving the Brit a look.

"Thanks Faith. And Wes, I know there a lot of things to be done, but I need to talk to Buffy first." He headed towards the stairs, but his progress was halted when Giles, Willow and Robin entered the hotel. As he talked to them, the Slayers came upstairs looking for Faith and then Willow, Xander, and Anya came in from shopping. As he continued his explanations, the rest of the occupants of the Hyperion except Buffy drifted into the lobby and Angel found himself stuck there for another hour, answering questions and listening to speculation.

Finally, he broke away from the congregation and made his way to Buffy's bedroom where he suspected she would be. He was right. As he climbed the stairs, she was lying on her bed, Mr. Gordo Jr. resting on her stomach. She had showered but she couldn't wash away the feel of Angel's hands on her skin. The knock on the door made her sit up.

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Can I come in?" Angel didn't wait for an answer before entering. "We need to talk."

"About what?" she asked feigning innocence.

"Why did you run away before?" His question was so earnest that she had to answer him truthfully.

"We never should have kissed. It was a huge mistake. We can't start something because once you get your memory back, you'll...." she trailed off, staring intensely at Mr. Gordo Jr. instead of at him.

"I'll what?" he probed gently.

"You'll remember that you don't want me." She met his eyes, sadness glistening in her hazel orbs.

"Buffy, that's impossible. I could never not want you."

"You don't know, Angel. You don't remember."

"No, I do remember, Buffy. And I know that I always want you."

"What?" Her eyes were wide as they focused on him. "You remember? How....? When...?"

"When I kissed you, it all came back. All of it," he told her, though he was unaware of the missing memories of Connor that spared him that particular pain. "Buffy, why would you think I wouldn't want you?"

"Because, Angel. In some kind of amazing twist of fate, you are human now - something we've both wanted for you for, like, ever. You can go do whatever you want. You don't have to worry about Slayers and demons and all this crap anymore. You can go out and live the life you've been denied for so long."

"I just took over as head of Wolfram & Hart, a law firm that specializes in demons and all that crap, I really can't leave it behind."

"You should try to. You deserve so much better than me."

"Buffy, there is no one better for me than you."

The Slayer laughed bitterly. "You have no idea who I am anymore. You have no idea some of the things I've done."

"I don't care. I love you." He reached out to her, taking her hand in his.

"I love you too." She pulled her hand out of his grasp. "But you taught me a long time ago that love isn't always enough." He stepped back, putting distance between them. Her rejection was utterly disheartening. He had a vision of coming up here, taking her in his arms, and kissing her senseless but it was obvious that that wouldn't be happening.

"If you don't want to be with me, that's your choice," he told her calmly, disguising his heartbreak. "But it's not going to change the way I feel about you. So if you ever change your mind, I'll be there." He turned his back to her, but heard her speak softly.

"I'm sorry Angel. It's just too hard." She added to herself, "I'm just too scared."


	6. Chapter 6

The nextWesley saw Angel come down the stairs quickly after he went up. The Brit had assumed that he had gone to talk with Buffy and was more than surprised to see him so soon. He watched as the ex-vampire dejectedly walked out into fading daylight and wondered what had gone wrong. Willow noticed as well and headed up the stairs to speak with Buffy. The door to the Slayer's bedroom was open so the witch walked in and sat down on the bed next her friend who was lying down cuddling her stuffed pig.

"Hey Will."

"Hey. Angel just left. He looked upset. Did something happen?"

"We talked. He told me that he regained his memory. I told him I was happy for him. And that was it."

"That was it? No wonder he was upset."

"What do you mean by that?" Buffy asked, sitting up.

"I mean, he's human and he remembers you. He was probably thinking there'd be some smoochies involved."

"That was over between us a long time ago."

Willow snorted derisively. "Please Buffy. I know you and I aren't as close as we once were, but come on, like I'd believe that. Things are never over between you two."

"It'll just be better for everyone concerned if we stay apart," she said sadly. 

"Why? I don't get it. You still love him right? He loves you too, right? And now he's all human and un-soul-losing and if you're not together you'll both be all mopey and filled with sexual tension, so why would it be better for you not to be together?"

"It's too hard Will. I'm....I'm afraid that when he finds out how I've changed, how screwed up I've become, he won't want to be with me anymore. I don't think I could handle that," she confessed, tears filling her eyes as she lamented the loss of the girl she had once been. Willow gathered her best friend into her arms.

"I know that things have sucked so badly for a while now and I know you've had a hard time, but I also know that you shouldn't let this opportunity pass you by. Tara and I wasted a lot of time and then I lost her. I was too scared to face what the magic was doing to me, so I let her go and it's my biggest regret. One thing I've learned is that if you want to be happy, you have to deal with your demons."

"Often, literally," Buffy joked. Willow laughed.

"Just think about it, okay? It might be hard, but I think it would be worth it." She kissed her friend's forehead and left her alone with her thoughts.

At the end of the day, Angel sat in bed. He was exhausted but his mind wouldn't stop racing, digesting his memories and pondering his future, so he was reading to take his mind off of it. A knock at the door interrupted him. He got up to answer it and was surprised to find Buffy on the other side.

"Hi."

"Hi. Can I, uh, come in?" He stepped out of the doorway to let her pass. "I think I was a little hasty before. I at least owe you an explanation."

"Go ahead." Closing the door, he leaned back against it and fixed his mahogany eyes on her. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. 

"I've been through a lot since you left. And you won't like the person I've become."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Buffy hated this. She didn't want to tell him this, but her conversation with Willow had convinced her that she at least owed him the truth. She turned her back to him and walked towards his desk. Still, his eyes bore into her back.

"Could you not look at me when I say this?" She could feel when his eyes were no longer on her and taking a deep breath, she told him the thing that stood between them. "I slept with Spike.....more than once." The silence that filled the room at her revelation seemed to surround her, making it hard for her to breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable torrent of anger that was sure to come. He would be disgusted by her. And it would be the final straw between them, the bitter end. She wished she could take her words back, take her actions back, do anything so that she wouldn't have to turn around and see the hatred in his eyes, hear the fury in his voice. But when he spoke, he didn't say what she expected.

"I know." She turned around to face him as the calmly spoken words sunk in.

"What?" 

"Demons talk, Buffy." He didn't sound angry, just bitter, regretful and tired.

"And that's it? You don't care?" she asked tentatively. She was glad that he wasn't yelling at her, and yet slightly disappointed that he wasn't jealous.

"Of course I care!" He raked his hands over his face and through his hair, trying to contain his emotion. "When I found out, I flipped. I head towards Sunnydale, ready to rip Spike's head off for touching you and wanting to claim you as mine again. But I got half way there and realized I had no right. I left you so you could have a better life, and if to you that meant being with Spike, I had no right to stop you."

She scoffed at that idea. "Things weren't better for me with Spike. I was severely messed up and stupid and he was there. He provided me with an escape that I couldn't find anywhere else," she admitted softly. "I wish I could take it back. I truly do. I'm so sorry."

"If we're getting everything out in the open, I should tell you I've been there. I went through a really tough time, lost all hope, that kind of thing and ended up sleeping with Darla," he confessed with shame. "So I get it."

"I guess we're even then, huh?" she half-joked. She was upset by his revelation but if he could deal with the Spike thing, she had no right to get mad. He looked at her with rueful eyes.

"Buffy, I wish I could take back so many things I did. And I hate thinking of you with Spike. More than hate really." He crossed over to her with a few long strides, standing close. When he spoke, his voice was low and husky. "But nothing that has happened has changed the way I feel about you. Do you feel the same?"

"Yes," she whispered after a beat, suddenly breathless, overwhelmed by his presence. He cupped her cheek gently, tilting her face upwards and brushed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft and tender, a reassurance, a profession of love. Angel pulled back and they locked eyes for an intense moment. Then, he kissed her again, this time with more fervor. Things escalated quickly, passions too long contained bursting free. She moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck, going up on her tiptoes to get closer to him. Buffy's hot tongue slipped into his mouth, tangling with his now equally hot one.

Buffy was barely aware that she was moving until she felt the bed hit the back of her knees. She fell backwards pulling Angel with her. He propped himself up on his arms and gazed down at her with love shining in his eyes.

"Buffy," he breathed, hoarse with passion. She pulled his head down to hers, expressing her passion without words; there were no words to express how she was feeling. She felt light-headed, like she was sixteen again making out with him in a graveyard, unsure of what she wanted, unsure of how far it would go. But now she knew exactly where she wanted it to go and she knew Angel wanted it just as much.   
"Angel, Angel, Angel," she murmured against his lips."We can stop if you want," he told her, his hands coming to a rest on her sides. "Maybe we should take it slow."

"No. I don't want to wait. I want you."

Buffy lay on her side, facing Angel as he slept. She trailed her fingertips gently over his chiseled features, relaxed in slumber and wondered if the peace they were both feeling would be short lived. The previous night had been wonderful, but when they left the bedroom, when they went downstairs and faced their real lives, would things change? More specifically, when Angel went downstairs and saw Spike, would he continue to be so forgiving? It was hard to believe he would be. She hadn't quite forgiven herself for all the fucked up things she had done over the past few years. Her thoughts were interrupted by Angel's eyes blinking open and focusing on her. 

"Morning," he rumbled.

"Morning." His hands tangled in her sleep-knotted hair and pulled her in for a soft kiss. He held her close, their noses rubbing together in an eskimo kiss. At first, Buffy was content with just lying in his arms, but then her hands started to wander. He responded by kissing her deeply and rolling on top of her. She mewled as he palmed her left breast, tweaking the nipple gently.

"Angel?" Fred knocked at his door. "Are you awake?"

Angel groaned under his breath. "Yes," he called.

"There's breakfast downstairs if you're hungry."

"Thanks, Fred." He dropped his head against her breast and sighed. "I guess we should go down."

"Yeah, I guess." Reluctantly, she scooted out from under him and began to get dressed. He watched her appreciatively for a moment before doing the same thing. When clothed, Angel pulled Buffy into his arms again and sealed his lips over hers.

"I love you." She hugged him tightly, rubbing her cheek against the soft cotton of his shirt. Here goes nothing, she thought as she pulled back from him and they headed out of the bedroom. 

A hush fell over the crowded kitchen when the newly reunited couple entered the kitchen together. The new Slayers had gathered enough information about the Buffy and Angel saga over the past week that they were anxious to see how their very own live action soap opera would play out. But Willow didn't allow for any dramatics. "Good Morning!" she chirped as if nothing had changed. Buffy smiled at her and they went about getting their breakfasts. 

"Angel," Wesley said after taking a sip of his coffee. "Fred and I are taking Xander and Anya down to Wolfram and Hart today. Would you like to join us?"

"Sure," he said, digging into his waffles. "Oh man, I love food." Although he savored his breakfast, he ate quickly and then went back up to his room to shower. When he came out of the bathroom, Buffy was sitting on his bed but he didn't notice her. She watched happily while he searched through his drawers for a pair of boxers with only a towel slung low around his waist. She must have made a noise when he dropped the towel and his tight ass came into view because he spun around, accidentally dropping his shorts in surprise.

"Buffy, you scared me."

"Sorry," she said, though she was grinning unrepentantly as she drank in his naked form. Color rushed to his cheeks when he registered her lustful gaze and he quickly pulled on his boxers.

"What's up?"

"I just wanted to talk to you before you left. I think maybe we should take things slowly."

"You're probably right. Last night, we shouldn't have rushed things," he said, walking over to the closet and pulling out a pair of slacks. 

"No, I didn't mean...I mean, I don't regret last night.......do you?" she asked nervously. She stood up, ready to make a quick exit if necessary. She still wanted to be with him - had he changed his mind?

"I don't either." He turned back to her. 

"Good." She let out an internal sigh of relief. "Things have been so intense, especially last night, and although I know how I feel about you, I don't really know anything about your life. I just think that we should take some time to get to know each other again."

"I'd really like that." He smiled at her, glad that she still wanted to be with him and truly wanting to spend the time getting to know the woman she had become. He knew that he wouldn't like hearing everything that she had to say, but he knew he needed to hear it. And he knew it wouldn't make him love of her any less. If he had learned anything in the past seven years, it was that he would always love her. "Why don't we go to dinner tonight? Just the two of us, we can get some time to talk."

"Great. It's a date." She froze when she realized what she said, but he grinned at her.

"It's a date," he echoed. Buffy was captured in his smile. He was so beautiful when he was happy and his smile made the lights dim everywhere else. He looked delicious, standing there in only his boxers and more than anything, she wanted to push him down on the bed and finished what they had started that morning. But they both had things to do.

"I guess I'll just let you get dressed then." Her eyes lingered on him as she left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Later that morning, Buffy headed to the store with Dawn in order to stock up on groceries. The Slayers ate unimaginable amounts of food so the Summers women arranged to have massive amounts delivered to the hotel. "Ooh, let's go to H&M," Dawn suggested as they started walking back to the Hyperion.

"You just went shopping a few days ago with Willow and Faith. I don't want to run Wesley into credit card debt. He's already paying for everything. I'm not going to make him pay for a whole new wardrobe for you. Just the basics for now, okay?"

"It's not Wesley's money. It's money racked up from years of evil lawyering by Wolfram and Hart. We should feel no guilt in spending it freely." At Buffy's skeptical look, she added, "Besides, you need to get something to wear for your big date with Angel!"

"It's not a big date," Buffy told her sister, denying the fact that she was feeling like a nervous schoolgirl. The very few times she and Angel had been on official dates they hadn't turned out that well. And despite how raw they had been with each other last night, in the light of day things were somewhat more awkward. They didn't know how their lives were going to fit together again.

"Still, you need something to wear," Dawn reminded her, already pulling her towards the store.

Dawn's persistence paid off and when Buffy descended into the lobby that evening she was wearing a new pair of black pants and a maroon silk v-neck top that showed off just a hint of cleavage. Angel, dressed in black slacks and a white button down shirt, watched her as she came down the stairs, smiling to himself at his great luck that this beautiful woman had granted him another chance. They headed out to his car and he was a perfect gentleman, opening the door for her and pulling out her chair at the restaurant. They made small talk about what they had done that day as they ordered their food but soon ran out of things to say and lapsed into silence; they had never really been a chatty pair.

"Buffy."

"Angel," she said at the same time. They both laughed, but Angel gestured for her to go first.

"This is weird, isn't it? I mean, we should be able to have a conversation. We've done it before."

"We're just trying to figure things out. It's not going to be easy."

"Things are never easy between us, are they?"

"No, they never are." Their eyes locked across the table and finding familiar warmth in Angel's chocolate orbs, Buffy found herself blurting out her thoughts.

"Angel, I'm scared. Things never end well between us and I don't know if I can take being hurt by you again." Angel saddened immensely at her softly spoken words.

"Buffy, please believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you," he beseeched.

"I don't doubt that and I never meant to hurt you either, but that's always what ended up happening," she replied. "And I honestly don't know if I can go through it again. I'm not as strong as I used to be. I've lost my mom, and my life, and a good relationship with my friends, and everything I owned. Plus, I've gained the huge responsibility of finding and training all these new Slayers. I have no clue what I'm doing with my life and I probably shouldn't even consider being in a relationship right now." Angel opened his mouth to reassure her, to let her know that he would wait for her as long as she needed, but she just rambled on. "But if this is our chance, I don't want to give it up. I want so badly to be with you, but I don't know if I can."

"I want so badly to be with you, too," he told her, yearning creeping into his voice. "And I'm just as confused as you are. You would think after 250 years, I'd be able to figure some of this out, but I can't. Suddenly, I'm human and in charge of a previously evil law firm. I don't know what I'm doing here, but I do know that I want to be with you while I'm figuring it all out. I want to talk things out with you, experience things with you and I want to be there for you like I should have been these past years while you figure everything out."

"I'd really like that." She reached across the table and laced her small fingers with his large ones.

Once she had began, Buffy remembered how easy it was to let herself go with Angel. She didn't need to be strong for him, didn't need to hide her fears, so she confessed them all. She was afraid she would never be able to get back to the closeness that she had once shared with Xander, Willow, and Giles and that she wished she could go back to when they were in high school. There were so many things that had happened over the past few years that she regretted, things she could have done or said differently. How she should have seen Willow's breakdown coming, how she should have been better to Dawn and her mother. She told him that she was scared that activating all the Slayers was a mistake. In turn, he shared his own fears: that he wouldn't be able to protect her and his friends now that he was mortal, that the Powers would realize he didn't deserve his humanity and take it back, that he was just a pawn in some evil master plot of the Wolfram and Hart Senior Partners.

They talked all throughout their dinner, filling each other in on their lives. When they finished their meal, they took a walk to the pier, staying for awhile to look out over the water, then went to get coffee. Neither wanted the date to end. Dawn was approaching when they finally headed back to the hotel. Angel's fingers were loosely entwined with Buffy's as he walked her to her door.

"Tonight was really nice," she said, suddenly feeling shy. The idea of having him in bed tonight made her nervous and giddy, although she had just slept with him the previous night. He responded by sliding his fingers slid over her cheek, tilting her head up and giving her a kiss that made her toes curl. She shivered as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands slid down her back. Angel pushed her up against the door jam and tangled his hands in her long blonde hair, keeping their bodies and lips pressed together. But just as Buffy was reaching for the doorknob, he pulled away. He stayed close to her, nuzzling against her in a eskimo kiss.

"Good night, Buffy. I'll see you tomorrow." He brushed a final kiss across her lips and headed towards his own room.

"Good night, Angel," she whispered after him, then went into her bedroom, sure that she was going to have some X-rated Angel dreams. 


	8. Chapter 8

Buffy slept until much after noon and woke up to discover that Angel had gone to work. She relaxed for awhile, drinking coffee and reading the paper in the kitchen until Giles came in to make some tea. 

"Oh Buffy, you're awake," he greeted.

"Yep."

"We've been working all morning on a game plan to deal with Slayers. We would have woken you, but we decided you probably needed your rest."

"Thanks, I did." She wondered briefly if they knew that she and Angel had stayed out all night and what they thought about her renewed relationship with Angel.

"Well now that you're up, you should join us." Buffy took her coffee and followed Giles upstairs to the room where Robin and Willow were waiting. They welcomed her warmly as she joined the redhead, sitting cross-legged on the floor. They spent most of the afternoon discussing their plans, drawing up a tentative curriculum of what they wanted to teach the Slayers and a plan for how to execute it all. It was approaching dinnertime when Buffy went down to the kitchen to get a drink and found Spike moping over a mug of blood.

"You know, brooding is really Angel's gig," she said, entering the kitchen and gaining the blond vampire's attention.

"Well he seems pretty happy these days, but I guess you would know all about that," he retorted bitterly. Buffy sighed and leaned against counter close to where Spike was sitting. She knew that he had been pretty much avoiding her since Angel returned home, and knew exactly why.

"I don't know what you expect from me, Spike," she said with exasperation. "I appreciate everything you done for me and I care for you, but you know that I don't love you like that and you know I love Angel."

"I don't expect anything from you, Slayer. I want something from you but I know I can't have it. That's why I'm leaving."

"Leaving? What do you mean?"

"I'm leaving L.A. There's nothing for me here. I think I have to go do my own thing for a while."

"So where are you going to go?"

"New York, maybe back to London. I don't know. I'll stay in touch if you need any help, but I just can't stick around here." Buffy felt so guilty. She had used him, played with his head, and otherwise treated him horribly for the past few years when all he done was love her. Granted, she never loved him back, but that gave her no excuse to be such a bitch and now it had gone so far that he felt the need to flee from her.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I'm really sorry that I ever hurt you. And you might not believe it but I will miss you." She leaned in and brushed a kiss against his cheek. A slight noise behind them drew both their attentions and Buffy was faced with the sight of Angel's back as he quickly retreated from the kitchen. She looked back at Spike, a panicky look flashing through her eyes. That one glance confirmed what he already knew, that she never loved him and never would.

"Go on, pet. Don't worry about me." She rushed after Angel, knowing she would find him in his bedroom. He told her to come in when she knocked and she entered to find him unbuttoning his dress shirt and pulling a tshirt over his head with his back to her. She stared at him, waiting for him to speak or at least turn to her but he did neither. Finally, she broke the silence.

"If you can't forgive my history with Spike, we're never going to work." He exhaled slowly before turning to face her.

"I forgive you. But that doesn't mean I can handle seeing you with him, kissing him." Anger crept into his voice. He had truly thought he could deal with the Spike thing. But seeing him so close to his Buffy brought out primitive urges that he thought would have disappeared with his vampirism. He wanted to rip his bleached blonde Childe's throat out and throw Buffy to ground and claim her.

"I wasn't kissing him. I was saying goodbye, okay?" she told him with her impatience hiding her hurt. After their long conversations last night, she thought they would be able to start fresh but apparently she had thought wrong. "He's leaving, so you won't have to deal with him anymore. And if you don't want to deal with me, I can leave too." She turn to the door, trying to blink back the tears in her eyes but suddenly found herself pinned to the wall with Angel's hands on her upper arms and his lips on hers. She kissed him back, pulling her arms out of his grasp only to wind them around his neck.

"You're mine now," he growled against her lips.

"Always."

"And you're not going anywhere."

"I don't want to," she moaned, kissing him again.

"Good." He scooped her up and carried her over to the bed. After the first time which had been all about desperation and suppressed need, he wanted their second time to be romantic, slow and tender, with candles, champagne and roses. But he couldn't let her go, couldn't take his lips off hers. He pushed her down into the pillows and his hands began to tear at her clothes.

Afterwards, when they both came down from the high, Buffy cuddled into his chest. "Are you happy now?"

"Very," he answered, smirking at her. She half-heartedly smacked his arm and he responded by pulling her in for a kiss. When he drew back, she looked into his eyes with all seriousness.

"Angel, I'm choosing you. The rest of it doesn't matter."

"I know, baby, but I can't help being jealous. All the time we missed with each other...Riley, Spike...I just don't want to lose you again."

"You won't," she promised softly. "It's you, Angel. It's always been you."


	9. Chapter 9

Angel wasn't surprised to find Buffy sitting on the couch in his office when he came in after a working lunch with Gunn. Mostly because Anya, who was working as his receptionist, had told him that she was waiting for him but also because she often stopped by to see him between classes. 

It had been two years since the Hellmouth closed, Angel became human, and they had reunited. During that time, they had created a Slayer school in the Hyperion. When a Slayer was activated at age 14, they brought them to L.A. where they attended the school. Willow, Robin, and Giles had developed a curriculum; They taught academic subjects as well as demonology and research methods. Buffy and Faith trained the girls in physical and armed combat. The program was designed so that when they graduated at 18, the Slayers would pair off and move away. It had been running smoothly for awhile, funded largely by a charitable donation from Wolfram and Hart which Angel and his team had largely managed to turn around into a decent organization.

"Hey baby." He headed over to his desk to put down the files he was carrying and took a seat in his comfortable black leather chair. She rose from the couch and hopped up to perch on the corner of the oak surface. "How was your day?"

"Good. Kristen's really picking up the quarterstaff quickly," she told him, referring to the new girl who had just been called in the last month. "But my day will be a lot better once you kiss me hello." He grinned, stood up out of his chair to slide between her legs, and bent his head to hers. Their lips met sweetly as Angel's hands came up to grip her hips and drag her closer.

"Better?"

"Almost." She smiled and pulled him back for another kiss. It escalated quickly, as their kisses tended to do. She nibbled at his lower lip before sliding her tongue sensually along his. He made a rumbling noise deep in his chest and bent them, so she was trapped, flat on her back, beneath him on the desk. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his back, holding him close as they devoured each other's mouths.

"Angel?" The intercom buzzed, rudely interrupting them.

"What?" he barked.

"Wesley's here to see you."

"Tell him to go away," he grumbled before reattaching himself to Buffy's lips.

"He says it's important," Anya told him over the intercom.

"Fine, let him in," he sighed. Buffy and Angel unwrapped themselves from each other as Wesley entered the office. Noticing their rumpled clothing, he blushed, realizing what he had interrupted. Buffy smirked inwardly at his uncomfortableness; she would have thought he would have gotten over it, seeing how many times he had caught them around the Hyperion and the office. She ran her hands through her hair, the diamond engagement ring on her finger glinting in the sunlight coming from the window. "What's so important, Wes?" Angel asked, obviously grumpy at being interrupted.

"The Rome office called and wants our help with a case. I want to go over it with you to make sure everything is on the up and up."

"And we need to do this now?"

"They say it's urgent. They want us to get back to them by tomorrow."

"I'll let you two boys get back to work." She gave Angel a peck on the lips. "I'll see you at home."

Angel climbed up the stairs of the Hyperion, wearily loosening his tie. It was after one in the morning when he and Wesley had finished reviewing all the paper work faxed over by the Rome office. While the L.A. office of Wolfram and Hart only dealt with people and demons of the non-evil variety, the other branches were not as virtuous so every time Angel worked with one of them, he wanted to make sure he wasn't inadvertently helping the wrong side.

He entered his bedroom to find Buffy asleep in their bed, wearing one of his maroon silk shirts that she had long ago commandeered as her pajamas. He stripped down to his boxers before heading into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He tried to be quiet when he climbed into bed, but Buffy stirred anyway. She lifted her head off the pillow slightly.

"Hi," she said groggily.

"Sorry to wake you," he whispered.

"You didn't. I don't sleep well when you're not here," she said, cuddling close to him. "I'm glad you're home."

"I'm glad I'm home too," he told he and he didn't just mean back at the Hyperion. His home was here with Buffy, in his arms.

THE END. 


End file.
